Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
