So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
