They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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