I'm going to jail i love you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
