I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
