It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
