I wannas sexs uuuuu
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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