I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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