I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
