Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
