I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he thought i was a dude.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
