oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
