how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
