I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
