I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
