this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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