he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
