The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
