i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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