i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
