I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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