i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
