another moral hangover. fuck.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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