I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
