the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
