I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we're so committed to being not committed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
