dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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