She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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