is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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