I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
