so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
