I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
