my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
