I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
