i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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