NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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