just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
