I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
