I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
