There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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