im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
