He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
