there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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