i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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