don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
