He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
