woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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