By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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