Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
