At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
PANTIES FOUND
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
