Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
