Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
