sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
